The Wise and Crazy Pirate
by Voyager Tip
Summary: The boys meet Jeff's Dad before he was married, and Phineas learns a few things that surprise him. This story was built around the challenge to make Jeff laugh and cry at the same time. It evolved from concept to finish in only 2 days.


**The Wise and Crazy Pirate**

"Hey, Central Park!" Jeff exclaimed enthusiastically, "this is great!" He hoped to his feet and walked over to Bogg.

Bogg looked around, "how can you be so sure?" he asked.

"Are you kidding? My Dad used to take me here all the," he stopped suddenly and Phineas glanced down and saw him staring off into the distance. He put his hand on Jeff's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"A lot of memories, huh?" he whispered. He got down on one knee when it seemed that Jeff hadn't heard him. His heart went out to his partner. It seemed that something would happen when Bogg least expected it and Jeff would be reminded of his parents. His reaction was often very emotional. When this happened, Bogg was never sure what to do. He often thought that he said and did the wrong thing, though Jeff didn't seem to mind. He sighed, all he could do was his best.

"What's the date?" Jeff whispered.

Bogg looked at him in surprise, he didn't sound upset at all. He opened the Omni, "May 15th, 1963," he paused, "are you okay?"

Jeff didn't answer.

"Is the date familiar?"

"Look over there," Jeff whispered again and pointed to one of the park benches.

"Yeah, a guy on a park bench, is he famous?" Bogg asked.

"Only to me," Jeff's voice was so soft that Bogg could hardly hear it. He looked at Jeff expectantly.

"I can't read your mind, ya know," he finally said.

"That's my Dad," Jeff told him.

"And we have a red light," Bogg returned.

Jeff started walking forward and Bogg quickly stepped in front of him. "Whoa, hold on," he said.

"Bogg, that's my Dad! Let me go!" Jeff said.

"We need to talk first," Bogg said. He put his hands deliberately to Jeff's shoulders, turned him around and marched him behind some nearby bushes.

"Why? What is it?" Jeff asked.

"You should never go back into your own past, it's dangerous."

"How?"

"What if you did or said something that caused your Dad to change somehow, you might never be born."

They stood in silence.

"But," Jeff started, and looked at Bogg with tears in his eyes.

Bogg squeezed Jeff's shoulders as he knelt down in front of him. "I'm sorry kid."

Jeff leaned against Bogg's chest and sobbed as Bogg's arms encircled him.

After a moment, Jeff pushed himself away, "What about the red light?" he asked sniffling.

"Well, I better handle this one alone. We don't even know for sure that he's the red light."

"Where will I go?"

"Bogg paused, thinking. He wanted Jeff to see his father again, but he was afraid. Finally he spoke, "if you promise to just sit there and listen, I think it would be alright to sit behind us, quietly, but you have to promise."

"I promise" Jeff said and smiled through his tears. He was going to hear his father's voice again. It seemed too good to be true.

"I'm serious now," Bogg continued and Jeff nodded. "Even if he talks to you, you won't talk back?"

Jeff stared at Bogg for a few seconds, "okay," he whispered.

"Okay."

So they walked over to the park bench and Bogg sat down next to Jeff's father, while Jeff found a spot on the bench that was positioned back to back with Bogg's.

"Mind if I sit down?" Bogg asked, and Jeff's Dad indicated he could. Phineas cast a glance sideways to get a look at Bill Jones. "I'm Phineas Bogg," he said reaching out his hand.

Jeff's father looked up from his paper and shook it, "Bill Jones," he paused and studied Bogg's attire. "You're from the Delacorte Theatre," he said, motioning to the banner ad for the Theatre in the Park that was set up on the lawn nearby. Bogg smiled when he saw the title, "_The Pirates of Penzance_."

"Guilty," Bogg nodded, happy for a convenient excuse for his odd clothing.

"Bit early in the day isn't it?" Bill asked.

"Huh?"

"Don't you theatre types start rehearsals late and rehearse past midnight?" Bill asked.

"Oh, yeah, well," Bogg paused, trying to think. "Kids always wake up early," he said motioning to Jeff in an offhanded sort of way. He hadn't intended on mentioning Jeffrey at all, but the excuse just slipped out. He hoped Bill wouldn't focus on Jeff.

"Who's the kid?" Bill asked, motioning to Jeffrey, who was facing away from him.

Bogg closed his eyes as a weight dropped into his stomach, "just a friend," Bogg answered.

"You can't be friends with a kid," Bill said as he shook his head.

Bogg was stunned. This conversation was not going where he wanted it to go. "Sure you can, you just haven't met the right one yet," he said.

"Kids are a lot more trouble than they're worth. Doesn't he have parents?" Bill asked.

Bogg paused and glanced at Jeffrey, "no."

"That's too bad, but why is he with you?"

"I take care of him," Bogg said.

Bill shook his head, "the city has shelters you know, and foster families. You could bring him to one."

"I'd never do that," Bogg whispered.

"Oh come on, you're a young guy, why would you want a kid hanging around?"

"Will you be quiet, he can hear," Bogg whispered angrily.

"Well, he must know that you'd rather be free."

"I'd never trust anyone else to take care of him."

"Humph," Bill grunted, shaking his head. "I'd never take in a kid, be kind of a cramp if I had a hot date."

Bogg paused, panic was setting in. He glanced at Jeff but couldn't see his face. This was such a mistake, he never should have let Jeff hear this. He admitted to himself that he didn't know the first thing about taking care of Jeff, he had no idea what was good for him. He was such a failure at being Jeff's guardian, and now Jeff would probably be traumatized for life hearing his Dad saying these things. What was wrong with Bill Jones anyway? What had happened to make him this way and how could Bogg fix it?

"Well, when you have a kid of your own, you'll understand," Bogg began, but he was cut off.

"I'm never having a kid, no way," Bill said shaking his head with a chuckle. "You may want to ruin your life, but I don't."

Bogg was in shock, this was all wrong. This was the red light. He had to think of what to say to fix this, "I used to feel that way too, but all it takes is one special kid to change your mind."

"All kids are more trouble than they're worth."

Bogg tried a different tack, "well, you may feel differently when you get married."

"I'm never getting married, just a ball and chain, that's all a wife would be. Besides, how can I reach my goal if I get married?" Bill continued with a smile.

"Goal?"

Bill Jones pointed his hand toward the city in a wide sweeping motion, "do you know how many pretty girls are unattached and out there just waiting for me?" he asked. "I plan on dating all of them."

Bogg was astounded. This was not the Bill Jones he expected at all. How could this be?

"Look, I know it might seem like a good idea now, dating a lot of different girls, but believe me, when the right one comes along, you'll change your mind," Bogg finished.

Bill laughed and stood up, "well, I've gotta get back to school," he said, "nice talking to you," and he kept laughing as he strolled away.

Bogg considered following him, but realized his first duty was to the most important person in his life. He could find Bill Jones later and try to get things back on track. For now, he stood up and went around to the bench behind his and knelt next to Jeffrey. The kid had his knees pulled up and his head resting on them, his shoulders shaking.

Bogg put one hand on Jeff's shoulder and the other on his knees, "I'm so sorry," he said, his voice shaking. "I'll fix this, I promise."

Jeff looked up at him and started laughing, his face was wet with tears.

"Are you laughing?" Bogg asked worriedly. Jeff nodded, unable to speak.

"And crying?" Bogg asked and Jeff nodded. Bogg pulled Jeff into a hug and whispered, "it's gonna be okay, I'm sorry."

Finally Jeff was quiet. He sat up and wiped the tears from his face with his shirtsleeve.

"We'll fix this, I promise," Bogg told him again and Jeff's smiled got bigger.

"He's not the red light," Jeff finally said.

"But I didn't change your dad's opinions at all," Bogg said, "you heard him."

"You weren't supposed to."

"But he never wants to get married, much less have a kid," Bogg said worriedly.

"Right now, my Dad thinks you're crazy, totally stupid." Jeff paused, "Bogg, it's okay, I've heard this story all my life."

"What story?"

"_The Story of the Wise and Crazy Pirate_," Jeff smiled, "I just didn't know it was you."

"But how can this be right?" Bogg asked, "and why is the Omni red?"

"This can be right because you only know the first half of the story. And the Omni's red because something else is wrong here, obviously."

There was silence.

"Alright, tell me the whole story then."

"Okay, once there was a graduate student named Bill Jones. He was really happy with his life. He dated a lot and never wanted to settle down because he was having so much fun. One day, when he was having lunch in Central Park, a pirate came and sat down beside him." Jeff paused, "I always thought he made up this part, anyway, the pirate told him that having a wife and child would make him very happy. It was the stupidest thing Bill Jones had ever heard. He left the park that day thinking that the pirate was crazy. He went on living his life for about 3 more years, and then one day he met a girl. They went on one date and he realized he couldn't wait to see her again. On their third date, they decided to get married, but were afraid to tell anyone because it had happened so fast. So they kept it a secret, and announced their engagement 6 months after they met and were married a year later. Everything was going along fine, and after a few years, his wife had a baby, a son. When the son was about 5 years old, they were in Central Park and the theatre happened to be showing _The Pirates of Penzance_. All of a sudden, he remembered what that crazy pirate had tried to tell him so many years before. He realized that the pirate wasn't crazy or stupid after all, in fact he was very wise. It turned out that Bill Jones did love having a wife and kid after all. So that's_ The Story of the Wise and Crazy Pirate._ I heard that story my whole life."

Jeff paused, "right now he thinks you're so stupid, but he'll come around, it'll just take him awhile. He told me people have to do things in their own time, and he was a slow starter." Jeff took a deep breath and stared at the ground.

Bogg was speechless and they sat quietly for a few minutes.

"How old are you?" Jeff asked unexpectedly.

"Me? What's the difference?"

"I want to know."

"Around 27 I guess," Bogg answered.

Jeff sat thinking.

"Are you okay?" Bogg asked, unsure what was going through Jeffrey's mind.

"I was just thinking, that you and my Dad are both 27 right now, but he's nowhere near ready to do what you do for me every day," Jeff stopped, not knowing how to continue.

Phineas put his arms around Jeff and gave him a quick hug, "well, it's like I told your Dad, all it takes is one special kid."

The End


End file.
